Alternatives to Divorce?

General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

Yesterday, 09:47 AM	? #1 (permalink)
Registered User ? Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 18	Hi All, This is my first post on the forum. I've been reading a lot of threads and there seems to be quite a few people that have tons of insight to offer people with respect to their marital problems. I haven't posted my personal story yet, but I plan to when I'm ready. I do have one question though. I have noticed the vast majority of response are to divorce if you aren't able to resolve all issues with your spouse. Divorce IMO is messy, expensive and very detrimental to the children and the standard of living for everyone involved. Provided that both spouses can work out a "compromise", has anyone considered other options to divorce? Co-habitation agreements, open marriage agreements or any other strategies to keep the family together? Jason
?

Yesterday, 07:13 PM	? #6 (permalink)
Registered User ? Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 18	Waiwera, I only joined a few days ago and I have found a lot of very useful information. I've ordered NMMNG after reading about it here. I plan to read that one, then a couple more that have been recommended. My wife and I are in very similar situations to others here. There hasn't been any infidelity on my part ( or any in hers as far as I'm aware). We have however grown apart due to some trust issues she has. I feel divorce may be on the horizon for us. I have read a little about co-parenting and co-habitation agreements before and want to be able to discuss all options "IF" the need arises. I do appreciate any and all input. I agree that TAM is a great place.
?

Today, 07:42 AM	? #10 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Apr 2012 Posts: 90	I think it's really hard, in real world situations, to go from being a married couple to just being a pair of individuals who happen to share children while living in the same house without really screwing everyone up emotionally. Separating yourself physically, emotionally, mentally and romantically from your partner is hard. I can only imagine it would be tenfold harder when you still see, speak to, deal with, that person each and every day in your home. And your children certainly will be confused by the "not a couple but still married, don't love each other, can't really be friends, involved with other people" situation that would arise. There's a reason couples who break up tend to not remain best friends and in each others pockets. It's just too painful, and someone always gets hurt. I advocate doing everything in your power to make your marriage work, and work well. If, however, nothing can be done and the marriage is truly untenable, then divorce and one of you move out.
?

Today, 08:02 AM	? #14 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Nov 2011 Posts: 1,463	Both my husband and I were divorced once before we married. Both our divorces went fairly smooth and was not expensive. Since I had a child involved, I went ahead and got myself a lawyer. I paid roughly around 2,000 for my divorce. I did not ask for much from my ex h. I asked for a flat rate of $200 per month in child support. I took the child's and my clothing and left him with everything I owned. The lawyer and I went through visitation and requirements for my ex h to complete(drug therapy, parenting class, anger management, ect) before he was able to see his child, he agreed without argument. Once he completed the class, he had supervised visits for years before unsupervised. My ex has untreated bipolar. He uses drugs and is abusive. There was no way I was going to stay married to that fool. His behavior is worse now then 18-19 years ago when I divorced him. He stopped contacting my child at age 14, which is a blessing. My ex has major issues. My husband paid 99 for his divorce. He did not have children with his ex w. It went smoothly and quick. They split their assets in half and parted their ways. If neither of us divorced, we would not of married and would of missed out of our beautiful relationship towards one another. I absolutely adore my husband and he adores me. We've had a very happy and strong marriage these last 12 years. Truly, the happiest years of my life.
?

Today, 08:18 AM	? #15 (permalink)
Registered User ? Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 18	I agree that in abusive/toxic marriages divorce is the only option. My W and I are very disconnected ATM. Her issues with trust are IMO a big part of it. She began shutting me down last summer and it's gotten much worse since her father died last fall. This week she mentioned Divorce and asked not to discuss it until next week (at the earliest) when she is on vacation. She doesn't want to be at work with swollen eyes. I will admit, that my desire and physical attraction to my W has dwindled over the years. I made an honest attempt to pursue sex and intimacy with her in 2010-2011 and things were great. Wild sex a few nights every week. I was always looking forward to our next romp. I was beginning to gain the intimacy back and was loving it. Then her father passed away and she kept pushing me further away. The morning he passed, I told her, her mom and her siblings to stay home with each other. I spent the day getting the arrangements made so they wouldn't have to deal with it while in shock. She feels I didn't comfort her enough when he died. I certainly tried to, she pushed me away even at the funeral. I honestly don't believe things are better after divorce. I know a few divorced people and for the most part they are miserable.
?

Find a Therapist:

Source: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/51600-alternatives-divorce.html

ultimate fighter 14 2011 bowl projections ndamukong suh ndamukong suh aptera aptera national defense authorization act